A Final, Final Note

Something happened in the last week that has not sat well with me; on this blog I have seen an exchange of comments between various individuals that has left me feeling disappointed and concerned, but mostly ashamed that our blog was host to this slugfest.

First let me start off with an apology to anyone who is reading; not an apology for my ideas and rants, but for any hurt pr pain it might have caused.  Int he days after the 2008 election many individuals in the GLBT community felt despondent and morose over the amendments passed in Florida, Arizona, California and Arkansas; it seems fair to say that the one in California put everyone over the top and into a frenzy all the while trying to be happy that our nation had come to a point to embrace and elect a man of mixed racial decent.

I was one of those individuals and maybe my empathy metre was  low, or maybe I was tried of more election coverage after 21 months of having it shoved down my throat and I took some things personally. Comments made to me/us from the left and the right, strangers and friends - it was all too much too quick.

We've been contacted by television reporters, Comedy Shows, and newspapers fr our reaction as a gay couple who left the United States, partially because of Bush and partially because of the abundance of discrimination; that added fuel to the fire to be put on the spot and asked now that the Messiah (I kid) has been elected would be returning home in droves?

My short answer was, No.  WMTC landed before we did and for the life of me I can never see L-Girl and RedSock going back to the US.  Matt and John also landed before us and I can't see them doing that either. As far as the long list of GLBT folks who landed after we did (Tom & Emilio, Adam & Eric, The Vancouver Boys I and Vancouver Boys II, Two Moms, & WCR) I cannot imagine that their fight and patience for moving would result in them making a U-turn, and for all those in queue, Canada still remains their best, last hope.  As for Mason and I, let me make it clear.

I have no desire to move back to the United States of America, now more then ever.

Some of the hurtful things said in the comments I mentioned earlier included comparing the GLBT struggle for civil rights to that of slavery for African-Americans, the Holocaust for the Jews and the right for Suffrage amongst women in the United States.

Look, I will NEVER understand what it was like for African-Americans these past 40 years and beyond to deal with racism and discrimination, and I will NEVER understand what is was like for Jews in the last 50 years and beyond in trying to simply survive and not be exterminated, and I will NEVER understand what it was like for women 88 years ago and beyond to be treated like property and disenfranchised.  In fact, for all three groups this still happens today; African-Americans are still prosecuted for the colour of their skin, Jews are still trying to be eradicated off the planet by some and women still earn .70 cents tot he dollar; and these same groups will never know what it is like to be GLBT.

It's hard though when you're reminded once again that you are not valued by society; some of us have gone through abandonment by our own families, living on the street, addicted to drugs, intense periods of self-loathing and internalized homophobia because of the reaction we have gotten from those around us who think our idea of love is perverse and unnatural.

We wake up on some mornings and wonder if we will be fired from our jobs (yes, that can still happen in half the states) just because of who we are, worry about being refused visitation in hospitals to see our dying partners because we are of the same sex, aching to remember if we packed the power-of-attorney on our vacation "just in case" something happens and hope the state we are in will "recognize" us. We make sure not to hold hands in public or show any sign of affection to our partner (even a hug) in some parts of the United States because that might mean losing your life.

We are reminded that we are ill and diseased because the Red Cross refuses to allow healthy gay men to donate blood because it's easier even though they test all the blood, we're picketed and protested at our funerals by hate-filled preachers who reminds us that even in the after-life we will never find peace, when we go to rent a hotel room in another city the front-desk clerk still has an odd look on his face when he sees two men requesting a King-sized bed.

You look on TV, in the magazines, on the radio and you see stereotypical portrayals of gay men and lesbians, or very limited ones; we are reminded every day we are not part of the dominant culture, but the dominant culture loves our money, our creativity, and our abilities and our votes as long as we make sure we don't mention that we like to share our beds with a member of the same-sex.

Finally when we find someone who is speaking to us, and asking for our help we delve into the campaign that states "Change is coming" and to have "hope"; we believe the words that come from President-Elect Obama's mouth and feel as though we might have a place at the table...finally. We donate, we vote, we volunteer and then we are shown the door.  I remember that same excitement with Bill Clinton when I was 18 and voted for my first President. We Marched on Washington with vigour and happiness thinking that ENDA would be passed, that Hate-Crimes legislation would finally happen, and that the ban of gays in the military would be lifted.

However, again, and again we get diminished policies passed, and toothless regulations enacted and then for the last 8 years they try to shove us back in the closet and threaten to make a constitutional amendment to bar us from ever having any rights that the nice straight couple down the street enjoys. So please, forgive us, when in the middle of celebrations for President-Elect Obama we falter for a moment because we got sucker-punched in the gut. We know they can't stand up for our rights and not be elected by the independents and conservatives, but it still hurts.

Where is our Johnson, where is our MLK, where is the leader that will finally one day stand up and welcome us into the American family with open arms and no pre-conditions; I'm hoping (truly) that it is Barack Obama.

People talk accusingly that Mason and I left the fight, when in reality we didn't; we can fight from up here, but forgive me that after 18 years of fighting for my rights I'm tired of no results, of no movement and I would simply like to live my life and enjoy it before I die with my husband in a place that accepts us wholly.

This fight is not going to be won by the GLBT community; much like African-Americans needed the dominant white culture to come down and march in the streets of Selma, Montgomery and Washington DC, much like the Jews needed other Christians, Germans and Americans to shuttle them to safety and recognize Israel, much like women needed men to push through the right to vote we need straight people to help us.  This fight won't be over until the dominant culture accepts us and decides to make our fight for civil rights their fight for civil rights.

I'm truly done with the political discussions for now, if you want to flame each other do it somewhere else, but not on my blog.

Comments

[L-girl]

I didn't see the fighting that was going on, but I'm sorry to hear about it.

We can never truly know what it's like to be in someone else's skin, even the people we love and are closest to. But our own struggles - the struggles of our own people - can help us empathize with the struggles of others.

The struggle for freedom and equality for all people has more in common than not. African Americans, Jews, Muslim Americans, gay people the world over - what we share is greater than what divides us.

We should never lose sight of that.

Thanks for this post.

[L-girl]

Aw man, I wish you hadn't closed comments on the previous post! Now I don't get to rip that last commenter a new one! :)

[Doug]

Thanks for the post, although my comment is a bit late. We've been in BC for just over a year and have had the "Would we ever move back?" discussion, and the answer is always NO! I see news reports daily from the US about LGBT hate crimes, more legislation in the works to hold us back, etc. I don't think there is a perfect place anywhere on this planet for one to live, but for us Canada sure the heck comes pretty close. It took some adjusting, and that is still an ongoing process in some respects, but we have found everyone completely welcoming and warm and friendly. Maybe we are just hanging around in the right circles.