Feelings and emotions swirling around in my head have written this entry over a dozen times, but it was the phone call from Nick this morning that bored a hole in my skull causing this anxiety to spill out on the screens we have before us. The disappointment and pain in his voice was masked by his professionalism and strength, but after 13 years with this man I have developed the hearing ability of a bat when it comes to his emotions.
The subject of that phone call is not for me to share or expand on and I will leave that to the decision of my husband on which to share or not, but it has become part of the threads of discontent that have woven themselves into my fabric. This is a scarf I didn't want or even ask for, but unfortunately it's one wrapped tightly around my neck.
Since immigrating to Canada in September of 2006, I have lightheartedly shared what I believe is the prevailing response of most Canadians when they discover we moved here from the US: "you moved here?! Why?" with a bold, stronger emphasis on the "here" and a tone of disbelief questioning on the "why." The underlying current of self-deprecation by Canadians is as clear to me as is tall as the CN Tower, but yet is ignored or honestly invisible to those same Canadians as is the accent "ooo" in out and about.
The responses to our disclosing that we immigrated here without jobs and of our own, voluntary choice leaves a trail of comments including such phrases as "you're joking, right?" or "what were you thinking?" or even worse "why in the world would you do that?!" We expected those from Americans, but were flabbergasted when they came from our new neighbours and colleagues.
The reactions Nick and I received when we proudly displayed the Maple Leaf flag on our home surprised us. "(Pointing to the Canadian flag) What is that?" and "we don't do THAT here" were, and still are, the norm. One of my most memorable moments was while sitting in meeting with my colleagues at the network, halfway through it one of them turned to me and said, "wait a minute, you're an American, aren't you?" I responded in my standard, pact response "well, I'm a Canadian now, but yes, I immigrated from the US" and she said "you don't have the accent anymore!" which triggered a chorus of agreement and a discussion about this so-called accent I apparently had when I started the job and it's evaporation six-months into it.
When Nick and I made the conscience, and quite frankly expensive, decision to come here we did so embracing the premise that we needed and wanted to immerse ourselves into a culture and country that supports our core beliefs and desires. Today the Canadian spelling of colour, neighbour and theatre don't look misspelled to us despite what our spell-checker tells us. We order lunch meat from the deli in grams, travel 70 kilometers to Hamilton and know we can wear shorts when the temperature hits the mid-teens. We understand that the Prime Minister runs our country, not a President, yet it's head of state is the Queen Elizabeth represented by our Governor General.
The old guys on our money used to be Prime Ministers, The Queen gets her place on the green one and yes, those really are hockey players on the $5. We realize that when we have a pocket full of change, there's a good chance we could buy our lunch from a restaurant and not just a vending machine. We also know that even if we did buy something from that vending machine, it's going to be healthier and if the meal was served to us, the waiter wouldn't need his entire forearm to carry the plate. I've been called loonie too many times to count, but today I spend them and feel like I hit a jackpot when the coin I grab from my pocket has a gold centre surrounded by silver.
We have an incredible sense of peace knowing that if we ever needed medical attention for anything from a hang nail to heart replacement we'd get it never once worrying that we'd lose our house or savings or even worse have to walk away from treatment if we couldn't pay. We don't have to turn to a friend or Google when we'd hear "Timbits and a double-double," "pick up a two-four" or "what's your postal code." It's taken some time for it to sink in, but we've accepted the fact that we no longer have the First Amendment right to speak our minds or take The Fifth should be ever be questioned for a crime, but you can be rest assured we will defend to the death the The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms even if it doesn't have catchy headlined paragraphs. We can walk the entire length of Queen Street from Yonge to Jones never once worried that we'd be injured, murdered or mugged with a gun, but yet smart enough to know that it could still happen albeit at the tip of a knife rather than the barrel of a gun.
So, you must be asking yourself after reading these last several paragraphs what exactly is this thread of discontent? It's taken me an entire day to write this entry. As it is, I'm laying in bed watching the clock tick closer to midnight knowing that these first words were typed at just after nine in the morning. I don't know if I'm finding this next part difficult to write or more honestly worried at the reaction it’s most likely to elicit. Just as with all of my blog entries, this is an outpouring of my own feelings, emotions and observations - not shared in anger or disgust, but rather honestly, openness and a need for understanding.
I feel Nick and I are being subjected to a deep and stinging pattern of discrimination. There, I said it. And I feel like I want to vomit and run and hide.
As a white male, of mixed Irish, English and who-knows-what heritage, born into a large middle-class American family with both blue-collar and blue-blooded roots I will never claim to be a victim of racial discrimination. Although there was that one day as a 17-year-old when my friend and I traveled deep into the inner core of Los Angeles' Watts neighbourhood and felt the piercing stare of every black man and woman in his Uncle Sonny's diner. I joke today that I don't think they even had salt on the tables, just peppershakers.
As a homosexual, I can expand on the discrimination directed at me, but that is something I believe doesn't need explaining to those of you who know me or have taken the time to read this far. I can't say for certain, but I'm sure there have been other acts of discrimination levied against me either as a Catholic, a Baptist or even agnostic. Probably because of my chromosomes, my political beliefs or even hair colour. But, the discrimination I’m sharing with you now is based on the fact that I was born in the United States or as so many people inaccurately say: “America.”
I have never been ashamed to be from the US because I never had a choice in that matter. I have, and continue to be, ashamed and disappointed with my birth country for reasons to many to espouse on here. Prior to immigrating to Canada, Nick and I visited the UK, France, Greece and Mexico masquerading as Canucks. Within a year we plan to travel honorably as passport-carrying Canadians.
As I began my search for a chance to begin rebuilding a career here in Canada I heard the whisper-delivered advice over and over “Canadian-ize your CV” which meant make sure it used the proper spelling and verbiage I was told to emphasis as best I could that I never plan to leave this country and that it truly is my permanent home. All advice I heeded willingly and without hesitation.
When I first began looking for a job I couldn’t even get hired by Starbucks as a barista. I haven’t applied there this time around honestly because I’m almost certain the response will be the same: you’re way over qualified. My first career job required three interviews at three different levels from a Director to the Executive Vice-President, each one of them echoing the chorus “you are over-qualified for this position.” I’m thankful they overlooked that fact and hired me nevertheless.
Today’s disappointing news from Nick was coupled with yet another automated email appearing in my inbox that “…although your application is of great interest to us, we are unable to consider it for the above posting as this position is no longer available.” I’m also still stinging from missing out on an opportunity with another company despite several interviews and a glimmer of hope, someone else was hired instead of me.
I had a hunch that for that last job, the interview was just a formality and that someone was most likely already earmarked for the position most likely from within. Being asked only three questions should have tipped me off as well as the last one that continues to reverberate in my mind: “why Canada?”
As with nearly every instance of discrimination, it’s the subtle and hidden forms that are the worse. I’ve often found myself in the middle of civil rights debates wondering if they really do help equal the playing field or just drive bias and discrimination even deeper making it nearly impossible to find.
My heart aches when my head begins wondering if I’m being overlooked for jobs because I’m not a natural-borne Canadian. I get angry when I envision hiring managers quickly scanning my resume and slipping it quickly, but quietly into the reject stack feeling justified saying “he doesn’t have enough <i>Canadian</i> experience.” I begin questioning my abilities and skills when a job posting appears for a company, position and duties exactly matching the one I just left and I’m not even considered for an interview.
I “tweeted” and Facebook-status-ed my frustration earlier today with two posts:
Note to Canadians: we willingly & openly became one of you to embrace & respect this country, not threaten or change it. Please let us in”
and
”this pains me to write, but I can't hide that anti-American discrimination is hurting us deeper than any other bias/hate we've ever had :-(“
I want to be wrong. Please tell me this is all just in my head and that I’m jumping to conclusions based on distorted facts or observations. Explain to me how despite incredible talent, glowing recommendations and deep experience I can’t seem to get a chance to interview. If you’re a Canadian, tell me it’s not discrimination because of where I was born or the selfish and irresponsible attitudes and leadership of that country. I left that country because I was tired of having to fight for my rights and defend my beliefs.
I stand tall and proud as a decent and loving friend to many, as a man who is attracted to and married another man and as a social liberal and fiscal conservative wanting fair, equal and just treatment for all. Please don’t make me start fighting these battles again – that’s not why we came here, we came to lend a hand making what you’ve created and developed even stronger, if only we could have the chance.
I was horrified to read this. I am truly shocked. I was born in Canada; I would not like to live in the U.S. but I did grow up on the border of the U.S. and Canada and travelled "accross the river" many times. I am shocked that the discrimination you feel is related to where you were born and not some other closed-minded predjudice which is something I myself have experienced. There is definitely all kinds of predjudice in Canada. We are certainly not immune.
I have some input on who is hired in my company. I have never considered a person's place of birth to be a reason to deny them employment - in our office we have people working here from Trinidad, England, and Minnesota.
I don't care what their sexual orientation is and their personal life is their own. Can they do the job? Would they be an asset to my company? That's all I care about.
To be honest, I am not from Southern Ontario and find that in the GTA I feel more predjudice towards me because I am from "northwestern Ontario" and nobody in southern Ontario cares about any place "north of Perry Sound".
While I would certainly be curious as to why? you would move here, it wouldn't matter to me where you came from. I would just be interested in a person's story.
I started reading "We Move to Canada" years ago before Laura moved to Toronto, and your blog by way of hers. I sent you an email when you arrived saying "Welcome"! as I am sure others did. I have read your blog through the years and was so happy that you were able to find employment here - I was pulling for you both to prosper!
The downturn in the economy has hit us all. My husband is laid off and my company has also downsized. We are not interviewing anybody. I have a feeling that when things get better, we will go on the way we are to "recover". I looked for a job for two years until I found this one. I was overqualified, I was underqualified. I was just not getting called for interviews. One thing I do know and I am sure that it is not exclusive to Canada is that there is "a who you know" mentality here and nepotism thrives.
What a shame that you feel the way you do. I really hope that you don't have to fight any more personal battles and can find employment. And acceptance. Finally. In Canada.
Posted by: Vicky | 08 July 2009 at 08:29 AM
I have friends from the US that work in Vancouver and Victoria/Whistler....I have never heard them talk about discrimination as being from the US....infact I know some that are working illegally...I thought that Toronto had a lot of US born working in the city...I have always felt that most Canadians like people from the US, even though they dislike US Government policy.
Posted by: John from Vancouver | 08 July 2009 at 02:26 PM
Hey Mason...
While I can't say that you're not being discriminated against, I can say for sure that, in IT at least, barriers for people of different nationalities are almost non-existant amongst large firms in the country. In fact, it would simply be impractical because there is such a shortage of skills!
My friends on the media side of the house have been saying that there's no one hiring, only firing right now. External interviews are only being done to fulfill HR requirements -- all positions are filled internally, or left unfilled.
I guarantee you that someone out there will not hire someone based on an anti-US bias. And there may be a few someones who do that, just as there's people in Canada who discriminate against Asians, homosexuals, Newfoundlanders and Albertans. I hope they're few and far between though, and for your sake I hope you don't run into them very often.
You can always come to Ottawa, one of the few places in Canada that isn't suffering from increased unemployment... :)
Good luck! This will be a faded memory in a few years. Keep trying and remember that the job market isn't the best nowadays, it's possible that the problem isn't you, it's the ability for companies to hire (at least in IT, companies go to the point of interviewing people then decide not to fill the job).
Posted by: Scott M. | 09 July 2009 at 10:45 AM
My two cents:
The economic conditions are making it difficult for all Canadians to find and keep jobs, not just those who emigrated from the US or other countries. Friends and acquaintances here in Vancouver - most of them native Canadians - are finding it nearly impossible to find positions in their field once they lose a job. More and more of them are, and that's in a city with Olympic "hype" at full tilt.
Hopefully, something will break for you soon, Mason . . . .
Posted by: West End Bob | 09 July 2009 at 12:10 PM
Hey Mason,
there are many levels of discrimination. Here people are just not as obvious about it as they are elsewhere... Canadians are well known for their diplomacy :-) I spent a year sending out resumes(East European with black sounding name) to no avail. Eventually, I got a job and worked my way up... after 8 years of great results and amazing references, I was turned down for a promotion because my boss(originally from Michigan) wanted to hire an external candidate with less experience(from Baltimore)... :-D keep trying, keep applying and don't despair... it will come.
PS- post resume on your site, so we can look at it and pass it around.
Posted by: Sinisa | 09 July 2009 at 07:50 PM